The dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide

Patrick Gibbons

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) declared in mid-March that greenhouse gases are dangerous to human health and requested permission from the White House to regulate the gases. However, there is a significant risk that Dihydrogen Monoxide — which, once heated, is the largest contributor to greenhouse gas — may be overlooked, as the EPA has chosen instead to focus on Carbon Dioxide.

While Carbon Dioxide is emitted from both automobile exhaust and human breath, Dihydrogen Monoxide can cause automobile engines to seize and stop working if the substance enters the engine.

Dihydrogen Monoxide is also the leading cause of metal corrosion and a leading cause of soil erosion along rivers, lakes and ocean beaches. Dihydrogen Monoxide can also lead to poisoning and even death in humans when consumed in large quantities. The National Safety Council estimates that approximately 1,000 children die each year because of Dihydrogen Monoxide.

Unlike Carbon Monoxide, a substance long regulated by the EPA, Dihydrogen Monoxide is found in many items in your home, including but not limited to soda, beer, Gatorade, frozen foods, hot dogs, yogurt, ice cream, soy sauce and even water.

Although the EPA has yet to declare Dihydrogen Monoxide a dangerous substance (despite it clearly being more dangerous than Carbon Dioxide), it is recommended that you keep all products containing Dihydrogen Monoxide away from open flames. For complete safety, NPRI also recommends you wear a crash safety helmet at all times and never leave your home.